How to Prepare for Family Dispute Resolution

Essential Document Checklist for FDR

Having the right documents organised and accessible helps you present your situation clearly and respond effectively to discussions during FDR.

Children's information

• Birth certificates for each child
• School enrolment details and reports
• Medical records and specialist appointments
• Extracurricular activity schedules
• Any existing court orders or parenting plans

Schedule documentation

• Your current work schedule
• Children's weekly routine and commitments
• Current care arrangements and history
• School term dates and public holidays
• Significant family dates (birthdays, etc.)

Financial information

• Child support assessment or agreement
• Children's expenses breakdown
• Centrelink or Family Tax Benefit details
• Income documentation (if discussing support)

Legal documents

• Any existing court orders
• Previous parenting plans or agreements
• Intervention orders (if applicable)
• Any relevant correspondence between parties

How to Draft Parenting Proposals

Coming to FDR with well-thought-out proposals shows you are serious about reaching agreement and gives the discussion a constructive starting point.

Key elements of a parenting proposal

1. Weekly living arrangements

Outline where children will live during the school week and weekends. Be specific about days and times for changeovers.

Example: "The children live with Mother Monday to Friday during school terms, and spend alternate weekends with Father from Friday 5pm to Sunday 5pm, with changeover at school on Friday and at Mother's residence on Sunday."

2. School holiday arrangements

Propose how school holidays will be shared — whether equally or in another proportion. Consider how this interacts with both parents' work commitments.

Example: "School holidays are shared equally, with each parent having the first half in odd years and the second half in even years. Parents will provide proposed holiday plans at least 4 weeks before each school holiday period."

3. Special occasions

Address how birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day and other significant dates will be handled.

Example: "Children spend Mother's Day with Mother and Father's Day with Father, regardless of the regular schedule. Christmas Day is alternated each year, with the children spending Christmas Eve to 12pm with one parent and 12pm onwards with the other."

4. Communication arrangements

Include provisions for how children will communicate with the other parent when not in their care, and how parents will communicate with each other.

Example: "Children may have reasonable phone or video contact with the other parent each day, typically between 6pm and 7pm. Parents will communicate about the children primarily via a co-parenting app, with responses within 24 hours for non-urgent matters."

Making your proposal child-focused

• Frame proposals in terms of children's needs, not parents' rights
• Consider each child's age, developmental stage and individual needs
• Account for children's existing routines, schooling, and activities
• Demonstrate how your proposal maintains meaningful relationships with both parents
• Be realistic about what is practically workable for your family

Communication Strategies for FDR

Effective communication in FDR is crucial. The way you express yourself can make the difference between productive discussion and escalating conflict.

Effective approaches

• Use "I" statements: "I feel concerned when…" rather than "You always…"
• Focus on the future and solutions, not past grievances
• Acknowledge the other parent's perspective, even if you disagree
• Speak about children's needs rather than your preferences
• Ask open questions to understand concerns
• Take pauses before responding if feeling emotional

Communication to avoid

• Blaming, criticising, or attacking the other parent
• Bringing up unrelated relationship issues
• Interrupting or talking over the other person
• Making ultimatums or threats
• Using sarcasm or contemptuous language
• Speaking on behalf of the children inappropriately

Useful phrases for FDR

Managing Emotions During FDR

FDR discussions about your children can be emotionally intense. Preparing strategies to manage your emotional responses helps you stay focused on achieving good outcomes.

Emotional preparation strategies

• Anticipate triggers — before the session, identify topics or behaviours that typically trigger strong emotions for you. Knowing your triggers helps you prepare mentally and develop strategies to respond calmly when they arise.
• Practise grounding techniques — learn and practise techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or focusing on physical sensations (feet on the floor, hands on the table) to centre yourself when emotions rise.
• Prepare a calming object or thought — bring something that helps ground you — a photo of your children, a stress ball, or a written reminder of why you're there. When emotions spike, redirect your focus briefly to this anchor.
• Use breaks strategically — you can ask for a break at any time. If you feel overwhelmed, request a short break to collect yourself. This is better than saying something you'll regret or becoming visibly distressed in the session.
• Separate person from problem — try to see the other parent as someone with whom you need to solve a problem, not as the problem itself. This mental shift can reduce emotional reactivity and help you stay focused on solutions.

What to Expect at Each Stage of FDR

Understanding the FDR process helps you feel more prepared and confident. Here's what typically happens at each stage.

Stage 1 — Intake assessment (1–2 hours per person)

Each parent attends a separate intake session with the FDR practitioner. This is where the practitioner:

• Gathers information about your family situation
• Assesses whether FDR is appropriate for your circumstances
• Screens for family violence and safety concerns
• Explains the FDR process and ground rules
• Identifies the issues you want to address

Stage 2 — Joint FDR session (2–4 hours)

Both parents attend together with the FDR practitioner facilitating. The session typically follows this structure:

• Opening — practitioner explains ground rules, confidentiality, and goals
• Issue identification — each parent shares their concerns and goals
• Exploration — discussion of each issue with practitioner facilitation
• Option generation — brainstorming possible solutions together
• Negotiation — working toward agreements on specific issues
• Agreement — documenting any agreements reached

Stage 3 — Outcome and follow-up

At the conclusion of FDR, one of several outcomes will occur:

• If agreement is reached — the practitioner will prepare a written record of the agreement. This can become a parenting plan, or you may later seek to make it into consent orders.
• If no agreement is reached — the practitioner issues a Section 60I certificate confirming FDR was attempted. This enables you to apply to court for parenting orders if needed.

Tips for Effective Negotiation at FDR

Successful negotiation in FDR requires strategy, flexibility, and a genuine focus on your children's wellbeing.

• Know your priorities — before FDR, rank the issues in order of importance. Know what matters most to you and where you have flexibility. Be prepared to make concessions on lower-priority items to secure agreement on the most important ones.
• Focus on interests, not positions — try to understand the underlying interests behind the other parent's position. If they insist on a particular arrangement, ask why it's important to them. Understanding their interests can reveal alternative solutions that meet both parents' needs.
• Generate multiple options — rather than debating two fixed positions, brainstorm multiple possible solutions. Creative problem-solving often reveals options that neither parent had initially considered but that work better for the children.
• Use objective criteria — where possible, refer to objective standards: what does research say about children's needs at different ages? What do guidelines suggest? Using external reference points can depersonalise discussions and help reach fair outcomes.
• Consider trial periods — if you're uncertain about an arrangement, propose trying it for a defined period (e.g. school term one) before reviewing. This can make the other parent more willing to try something new and provides an opportunity to adjust based on how it works in practice.
• Build on areas of agreement — start with issues where you're more likely to agree. Early wins create positive momentum and establish a collaborative tone that can carry through to more difficult discussions.

Common Mistakes to Avoid at FDR

Understanding what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do. These common mistakes can undermine your chances of reaching agreement.

• Arriving unprepared — coming to FDR without having thought through your proposals, gathered relevant documents, or considered what you can accept undermines your ability to negotiate effectively and suggests you're not taking the process seriously.
• Using FDR to vent or score points — FDR is not therapy or a platform to air relationship grievances. Spending time on past conflicts wastes valuable session time and damages the collaborative atmosphere needed for agreement.
• Making unreasonable demands — starting with extreme positions or making demands you know the other parent cannot accept damages trust and makes productive negotiation difficult. Be realistic about what's fair and workable.
• Putting children in the middle — claiming to speak for your children ("The children told me they don't want to…") or using children's alleged preferences as a negotiating tool is harmful and typically backfires. Focus on what's best for children, not what they've said they want.
• Refusing to listen — only focusing on getting your point across without genuinely considering the other parent's perspective makes agreement impossible. Active listening and genuine engagement are essential.
• Making threats about court — threatening to take the matter to court or making predictions about what a court will order creates an adversarial dynamic and undermines the collaborative nature of FDR. Focus on finding solutions, not threatening consequences.
• Agreeing under pressure — don't agree to something you're genuinely uncomfortable with just to end the session. Agreements made under duress often break down and can lead to greater conflict later. It's better to leave without agreement than to agree to something you won't follow.

Final Preparation Checklist

Use this checklist in the days before your FDR session to ensure you're fully prepared.

One week before FDR

• Gathered all relevant documents (see document checklist above)
• Prepared a summary of children's current arrangements and needs
• Drafted proposals for key issues
• Identified priorities and areas of flexibility
• Sought legal advice about proposals (recommended)

Day before FDR

• Reviewed your proposals and notes
• Organised documents in clear, accessible order
• Confirmed session time and location
• Arranged childcare for the duration
• Prepared grounding strategies for emotional moments
• Got adequate rest

Day of FDR

• Arrived 10–15 minutes early
• Brought documents, notepad, and pen
• Turned off mobile phone
• Took a few deep breaths before entering
• Focused on the goal: workable arrangements for your children

Common questions